Toxic Relationships: Are You in One, or Several?
“There comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but its not giving up. Its realizing you don’t need certain people and the drama they bring”
My favorite part of the above quote is the word “need.” Need indicates that you’re obligated. You need clothes, food, a place to sleep, and love. What you don’t need is a romantic partner or friend, and I use the word friend loosely, if they fill your life with their endless drama. The kind of drama that leaves you emotionally, spiritually or financially drained. The kind of drama that leaves you awake at night, filled with fear or anxiety or inferior in any kind of way.
When I mentally rewind my life I see many examples of when I allowed myself to not only engage in, but also fuel a toxic relationship. The signs were there, girlfriends that have POOR ME written all over their faces, ex-boyfriends that would fake a future for five minutes of time, or tell flat out lies to cover other lies. Nevertheless I thought I could be captain save a ho, both in romantic relationships, friendships and some business endeavors. I felt obligated to be there for people and appear strong in relationships, no matter the cost. I have always been a nurturing person, able to see the good in others that they didn’t otherwise see in themselves. But, in the end I learned - trying to keep miserable people happy, fulfilled or inspired will eventually take a toll on you in ways unimaginable; and the things I let slide, or would tolerate began to break me down. My skin started breaking out, my body ached, my bank account was beyond depressing, the list can go on and on and on. If a person isn’t willing to motivate themselves then there isn't much you can accomplish for them. I have learned that a person’s potential will only take them so far. You have to be willing to work yourself out the funk.
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Eventually, I woke up from the fog that had become my life. For far too long each day was a blur. I was literally going through the motions, and it was not pretty. I was unhappy with work, unhappy with my car, my home, my everything. I was tired and I needed to make a major shift. I was tired of taking life how it was being dished out to me, I used and abused myself especially by forgiving and fueling toxic relationships only to be duped in the future.
Trust goes a long way, and when it’s broken to the lowest point it’s extremely hard to gain back. It's exhausting - I can forgive, but forgetting, no ma'am. Sometimes its those memories that help you to fully detach, those feelings the memories bring. Although the biggest obstacle was facing myself and taking ownership of the choices I made which led me to my current position. I had reached my breaking point and it took 2 years of heartache and pain to realize, 30 days of Zoloft to remove the clouds, and The Purpose Driven Life to get me back on the right path.
Friday I'll share some detaching strategies to rid yourself from the toxic people and the games they play. Toxic people that stifle your creativity and attempt to stunt your growth. This Christmas I suggest you scan your family, friends, romantic partners, and business associates to see how many toxic relationships fall around you!
